Being present
I have started to become more aware of the fact that I tend to dwell on past events/experiences frequently. Very frequently. This could be from a passing thought that almost seems fatuous such as “why didn’t I bother attending that event last summer? I probably missed out on such an amazing experience” to something slightly more salient like “why didn’t I just knuckle the fuck down and carry on with my studies?”
Intrusive thoughts are not uncommon to me and they tend to escalate in my head in the blink of an eye, so you can imagine how looking back at past failures can be infuriating and, at times, extremely discouraging. If we don’t let go of perceived wrongs from our past, we condemn ourselves to a present and future of exactly the same and, when we focus on the more bleak happenings in our lives, we consequently make it a lot easier to concoct even more pessimistic ideas of our future. And what is the outcome of having this type of thought process? Fear. We slowly begin to live in fear of what’s in store for us which is where self doubt can kick in.
Obviously, it’s natural and can actually be comforting to let your mind wander and have daydreams of how you want your life to be. It is totally normal to set goals for yourself in order to make these dreams a reality; I’m not saying that planning ahead is a bad thing, of course it isn’t. Being in the present isn’t about eliminating your thinking, it is about using your mind instead of your mind using you. I think that problems can occur when we centre all of our attention on what could have been and therefore forget to see through life’s lense with clarity. Quite often, we put huge expectations on ourselves and perhaps rush our way to fulfill them without gaining any kind of enjoyment or satisfaction in the process. As blatant as it may sound, we cannot change the past. However, we can come to terms with it, learn from it, understand that it is over and move on, otherwise we can frustratingly become slaves to our own future.
I have found myself deep in thought recently on this topic and something that has occurred to me is that the number of moments we have left are unknown. I must admit, it’s quite a gloomy statement and could be interpreted as a rather negative one but it’s very true nonetheless. Would we be more mindful of our surroundings and what we are doing in the present moment if we knew for certain it was our last moment? Of course we would. The reality is, life can take unexpected twists and turns at any given time, at the complete drop of a hat so we should learn not to take what we already have for granted as much. Basically, there will never be a time in our lives where we will know for absolute certain of what is going to happen next... a daunting thought. Nothing is permenant, but this also includes any stresses and strains that you may be experiencing. Sometimes it can feel like the end of the world if we don’t get that job offer we wanted, or if something doesn’t plan out as we expected it to. These more unfortunate events can bring us down for months after they’ve happened, keeping us stuck dwelling in the past. It can be a challenging thing to live in the ‘now’ when we continually put pressure on ourselves, so knowing the importance of being present in the moment is one thing; taking action is another.
So what does it take to truly live in the present? Make it your first step to observe your thoughts, recognise the negative ones that flood your mind. The observation of these kind of thoughts is the goal, and then, quite straightforwardly, you let them go. Engage with your surroundings and the people within them instead of tuning out and thinking about a checklist of what you need to do for that day or worrying about something that happened yesterday. Something that I have personally felt guilty for is the amount of time that I spend using my mobile phone whilst being in the presence of my loved ones; you will never be 100% immersed in conversation or activity if you’re scrolling through your social media. Engrossing yourself in your friends, families or partners company will create relationships of a more loving, thoughtful nature. If you’re alone with your thoughts, using certain breathing techniques can also be beneficial - take the time to be with yourself and focus on taking deep breathes, even if it is only 15 minutes per day. Think of it as a little reset; bring yourself back into the moment. Practice non-judgmental listening. Be patient with yourself. There will always be other opportunities for you to discover so remember to try and go easy on yourself. If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.
Xoxo
Intrusive thoughts are not uncommon to me and they tend to escalate in my head in the blink of an eye, so you can imagine how looking back at past failures can be infuriating and, at times, extremely discouraging. If we don’t let go of perceived wrongs from our past, we condemn ourselves to a present and future of exactly the same and, when we focus on the more bleak happenings in our lives, we consequently make it a lot easier to concoct even more pessimistic ideas of our future. And what is the outcome of having this type of thought process? Fear. We slowly begin to live in fear of what’s in store for us which is where self doubt can kick in.
Obviously, it’s natural and can actually be comforting to let your mind wander and have daydreams of how you want your life to be. It is totally normal to set goals for yourself in order to make these dreams a reality; I’m not saying that planning ahead is a bad thing, of course it isn’t. Being in the present isn’t about eliminating your thinking, it is about using your mind instead of your mind using you. I think that problems can occur when we centre all of our attention on what could have been and therefore forget to see through life’s lense with clarity. Quite often, we put huge expectations on ourselves and perhaps rush our way to fulfill them without gaining any kind of enjoyment or satisfaction in the process. As blatant as it may sound, we cannot change the past. However, we can come to terms with it, learn from it, understand that it is over and move on, otherwise we can frustratingly become slaves to our own future.
I have found myself deep in thought recently on this topic and something that has occurred to me is that the number of moments we have left are unknown. I must admit, it’s quite a gloomy statement and could be interpreted as a rather negative one but it’s very true nonetheless. Would we be more mindful of our surroundings and what we are doing in the present moment if we knew for certain it was our last moment? Of course we would. The reality is, life can take unexpected twists and turns at any given time, at the complete drop of a hat so we should learn not to take what we already have for granted as much. Basically, there will never be a time in our lives where we will know for absolute certain of what is going to happen next... a daunting thought. Nothing is permenant, but this also includes any stresses and strains that you may be experiencing. Sometimes it can feel like the end of the world if we don’t get that job offer we wanted, or if something doesn’t plan out as we expected it to. These more unfortunate events can bring us down for months after they’ve happened, keeping us stuck dwelling in the past. It can be a challenging thing to live in the ‘now’ when we continually put pressure on ourselves, so knowing the importance of being present in the moment is one thing; taking action is another.
So what does it take to truly live in the present? Make it your first step to observe your thoughts, recognise the negative ones that flood your mind. The observation of these kind of thoughts is the goal, and then, quite straightforwardly, you let them go. Engage with your surroundings and the people within them instead of tuning out and thinking about a checklist of what you need to do for that day or worrying about something that happened yesterday. Something that I have personally felt guilty for is the amount of time that I spend using my mobile phone whilst being in the presence of my loved ones; you will never be 100% immersed in conversation or activity if you’re scrolling through your social media. Engrossing yourself in your friends, families or partners company will create relationships of a more loving, thoughtful nature. If you’re alone with your thoughts, using certain breathing techniques can also be beneficial - take the time to be with yourself and focus on taking deep breathes, even if it is only 15 minutes per day. Think of it as a little reset; bring yourself back into the moment. Practice non-judgmental listening. Be patient with yourself. There will always be other opportunities for you to discover so remember to try and go easy on yourself. If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.
Xoxo
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