Embracing change with anxiety

Change is one of those things that everyone knows is inevitable, but when it comes, it can still catch you totally off-guard. Some of these changes can build up and come to light over time, other times changes seem to throw themselves at us all at once with no warning. Either way, change can give rise to all sorts of different emotions, both positive and negative; there may be some changes that occur in our lives that generate feelings of accomplishment, maybe even fulfilment and just an overall sense of contentment. Other changes will only seem to stir up grief, pain and disappointment. 

Having anxiety, from my own previous experience, will sometimes mean that certain life changes that you’ll find yourself living through may not be a particularly positive experience. I remember when I was in what was probably my worst mental state (between the ages of 17-21) I would spiral into a complete panic frenzy if even the slightest detail of my routine was tweaked, or if a plan that I had put in place had been cancelled or postponed. I preferred when things stayed the same because familiarity was comforting for me and I guess it’s easy to stay exactly where you are…even the thought of change can be extremely overwhelming. Change feels scary- when things happen that don’t align with what we want or if there’s a sudden change of direction in your own life that isn’t what you wanted to happen, it’s very easy to become deflated and take those things to heart. We can sometimes choose the changes that happen within our lives however what’s to follow may not be the outcome that we first anticipated. 

It’s no wonder that many human beings will spend a great deal of time and effort to deliberately avoid change which will, of course, eventually catch up on us regardless. Coping with change and fear of the unknown isn’t a walk in the park for everyone, but following certain techniques can reduce feelings of anxiety and even depression whilst going through them. So here are some suggestions I have thought about and that have helped me navigate life with a lot less anxiety about the future and what’s to come:

1. Voice how you feel - even now, I am guilty for not speaking up to friends/family around me about things that feel utterly unendurable. Some changes will feel too much to go through alone, so I think that expressing how the change has made you feel and being completely transparent about it to yourself and others will feel like a HUGE weight off of your shoulders. You’ll be surprised how many others have felt exactly the same way as you and they can perhaps provide you with advice and support through certain transitions. Speaking about your emotions out loud or even just writing them down and sharing them with someone you trust will help you to process everything more comfortably and in turn hopefully ease your anxiety. 

2. Ground yourself by looking into mindfulness - without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing I did for my mental health was starting to practice mindfulness and meditation. I am on my second year of doing this almost every single day and I can promise you that it works. A lot of my anxiety was from fear of the unknown and fearing what may or may not happen in the future and this mindset regularly dragged me to very dark places mentally. I felt stagnant in life and that I couldn’t progress within any of the relationships I had developed with people, within my job and basically every other aspect of my life. Practicing mindfulness - whether it’s through meditation or yoga - helps you to understand the importance of living in the present. Once you learn that you have no control of what’s around the corner or major changes that are to follow, you will become more at peace with yourself. Take the time to examine your thought patterns and assess how rational they are because you might find some space to nudge your thinking towards resilience; you need to focus on where you are now to move forward.

3. Break things down - there will be certain times in your life where you know that changes are needed, and when it comes to making these conscious changes, it’s important to take it one step at a time and not put your body and mind through extreme pressure. Following a new career path, moving out from your parents house, choosing the right university degree etc…figuring out all of these things at once will undoubtedly be overwhelming and can actually be counterintuitive because a lot of negative self-talk can come from being too hard on yourself. Take the time to perhaps write a list including each step that you need to take to reach a certain goal and that way you can approach each decision rationally and build up to making the choice. 

4. Keep in mind the worst case scenario but remain hopeful - we know that we can’t always have control of the changes that come our way but what we can do is have a plan in place. If, for example, you have had the idea to move out with a friend but it hasn’t gone to plan, don’t leave yourself stranded; have a plan B waiting for you. Know what you will do if something fails miserably so that you can reduce the consequences as much as possible. Hoping for the best won’t hurt either - I’m a strong believer that your positive energy will manifest into positive outcomes. Getting pissed off at the situation and at yourself is a waste of your time and energy and only leaves you feeling hopeless when in reality, you don’t have to be.

Fearing change is totally normal. Our brains, for survival and protection purposes, are wired to like being in control of the environment around us and what’s happening in it. Living with anxiety disorders will only heighten these feelings and can make life seem a lot more difficult to go through. Don’t kick yourself for being human - every single person will go through huge shifts in their lives that will shape them as individuals. Embrace the beautiful things that happen and learn to make peace with the more brutal changes that life guides you through. 

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“Become a student of change. It’s the only thing that will remain constant” - Anthony D’Angelo