Taking up space

So, I’m turning 26 this month. Birthdays are often a reflective time for me and I tend to ponder all of the new things I’ve learnt after another trip around the sun. I must admit, sometimes these self-contemplations arrive in the form of existential dread, but aging is inevitable and time goes on regardless of my cogitation; I do my best to not let it get the better of me. But one thing that has been ruminating in my silly brain recently is my own perception of myself and the space I take up as a woman. Let me elucidate…

Suppressing certain attributes that are deemed as inconvenient by societal standards only serves to perpetuate the cycle of oppression against women. For a while, I found myself conforming to these standards unconsciously. To give just a couple of examples, I was once labelled “too vain” when I expressed admiration for myself confidently to a group of people so I stopped myself from doing it again. Once, I was told that I was “too bossy” for being politely assertive with my words so I reminded myself to keep quiet out of fear of making those around me feel uncomfortable. In essence, I learned to shrink my undeniably bold personality into a neat package that could fit inside the palm of man’s hand. It truly did take a profound ‘inner journey’ for me to understand the strength that comes from embracing yourself for everything that you are - flaws and all - and breaking free from psychological constraints that demand for women to be agreeable and tolerable.

When we struggle to take up space, what does it mean? Unfortunately, our history as women is marked by a lack of safety within our own bodies and in the broader world. When we feel unsafe within ourselves, it translates into a reluctance to occupy space in our surroundings and this is where problems with authenticity start to arise. You see, if we spend our lives forcing ourselves to fit into other people’s standards, we will always feel like a big chunk of us is missing. It’s only a matter of time until you’ve shrunk yourself down so much that you find your boundaries are being crossed and you can’t even recognise who you are anymore. It can get to a point where the less sure of yourself that you are, the more likely an illusion of inferiority is created and people will most certainly pick up on that and potentially even use it for their own gain. Stay too small and you’ll eventually get walked over.

Giving yourself permission to simply exist in alignment with who you are brings abounding happiness. It comes with teething problems as you outgrow places and people who prefer the altered version of yourself that serves their needs and desires. We move away from ourselves when we portray this polished depiction of who we are simply because we are scared of rejection, being disliked or not feeling like we belong. Society is engineered to function with acceptance as a prime metric, but what really happens to your sense of self when you finally decide “fuck it, I’m going to just be myself” and it’s not well received? Nothing. Usually, it’s your intention for people to like you, but it isn’t a necessity for you to feel whole. Authentic relationships bloom from strong foundations; by being yourself, the right people will naturally gravitate towards you. Other people’s perceptions, shaped by their own experiences and biases, do not define who you are. Everyone holds the power to shape their own narrative, to define their worth and chart their own path. 

After putting so much effort into moulding myself into a *sweet* and ladylike persona, I’ll say this - I am a real scatterbrain. I can be messy, physically and mentally. I can be hot headed with my brain racing with thoughts, big dreams and opinions. I’m not afraid to articulate them. I feel deeply and I allow space for every emotion that floods me, no matter how big. I don’t like being told what to do and I like to roll up my sleeves and figure things out for myself, even when I’m clueless. I’m stubborn. I enjoy my self confidence and I will always be my biggest cheerleader. Sometimes, I feel like I’m too much for some, but that’s okay. Through these truths, I am becoming a woman who knows who she is and a woman that I love wholeheartedly. 

M.M x

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self acceptance opened.”